Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
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NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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