He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think I just sharted jello shots
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
