Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
