Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
