Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
