If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize