OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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