people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
