I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
