you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
