do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
