dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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