I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
