wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
