I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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