Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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