Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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