the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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