I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize