Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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