Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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