this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
