You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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