how can u be prego again
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just cropdusted the office
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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