I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
