I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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