Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
