I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
