with your own penis?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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