we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
