I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can I color on your dick again?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
