I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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