More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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