you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
