I am puke
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
