whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
