Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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