life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
