every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
