you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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