non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it was like having sex with a tree stump
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
