She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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