just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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