My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
