How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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