i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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