it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
