she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
