his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
