There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
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He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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