Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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