1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
