Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
