So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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