I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
