SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You took a bar mat shot.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
