Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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