I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
