I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
