the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize