my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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