im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
