remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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