someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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