Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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