Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
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Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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