I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
