I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
